bbmyls2go
". . . but I have MILES TO GO before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep." Robert Frost
Ch-ch-ch-ch-cha... . . . .
Trying new things, have gotten a twitter account (which really baffles me, why would I care to read advertisements by tv and movie stars constantly hyping their next project or appearance?), and also
after the fiasco going on at facebook, decided to set up a google+ account. Google+ is pretty sparse
so I dont see much happening there unless the other 297 of my 300 FB friends also migrate there, LOL!
Anyway, Bruce Brandon Chattanooga, TN if you're in the mood to look me up.
No come backs - come on beeeeek!
Tick Tick Boom - Romantic Deadline
well, the stretched out drama of will she or wont she is over. I allowed her space, I allowed her time, I offered help, support, escape ... and she couldn't bring herself to confront her issues and share them with me much less do something as simple as spend time with me. I've eased into creating a deadline with her, first letting her know I would not accept being sidelined while she "sorted out" her problems, then telling her she would have to decide to either open up to me or lose me, and finally, this week, that if she couldn't come spend time with me and honestly fill me in on what is going on, then I would no longer be available to her for any future reconcilliation. So two opportunities happened this week - Wednesday as I headed to FL with a day off in Chattanooga and this weekend as I have returned home after quitting my job. She has remained "turtled" and refusing to even acknowlege my text messages so I sent that most modern of literary forms, the "Dear Jane" text. Of course she couldn't be bothered to even reply to me saying goodbye. oh well, back to the batchelor mindset of minding my own business and not wasting time trying to spoil someone else.
Real Ghosts (not the girlfriend kind)
Have to post this here as it has a little more tale (tail?) to it then FB allows.
I'm a believer in ghosts. I don't seek them out (normally), don't get haunted by them, don't pin my hopes of an exciting afterlife on them, but I'm open to the possibilities.
Even if one possibility is that it is our subconscience playing tricks, or trying to reassure us. But still, I have seen or heard a thing or two that is unexplained, I have had dreams that seem to be "appearances", and have observed things that just seem to be too symbolic to be ignored.
Some of them are timely. Some of them are fraught with emotional over or undertones. Some are satisfying, some are disturbing, some are reassuring. But none, in my experience, are things I could ever manipulate. I can't make a ghost say something I want to hear, I can't make them appear when I most want them to, and I can't make them stay longer when they visit.
I've posted many times about the love of my life, Fran Harbert. Unrequited love, of course, but my soul mate none-the-less in my opinion. We had difficulty assigning importance to my feeling for her and hers for me. When I wanted to press her, she chose to turn her back in an act, I guess, of self protection. She wasn't ready for being in love so wanted distance between us to keep that emotional conflict at bay. We got over it, resumed a friendship when she unexpectedly left town without saying goodbye. I searched for her for years without success. Then one day learned of her death, I believe, of cancer. I visited her grave several time and consciously WILLED myself to dream about her, but I never could. It had been about 17 years since I had seen her face in person, over 10 since I last saw a photo of her, and only my mind's eye to recall memories of her and I. The anniversary of her birthday (and death) was in April so that little annual blip of her in my conscience had come and gone and she has not been on my mind at all since then.
Enter the dream. Weird as ever. Disjointed. Characters together that don't belong together. Places real and imaginary. Scene and dialogue jumping around non-sensically like a really badly edited film student's attempt at art. So from what I recall it involved a chase in a truck, no, a car, no a convertible. My cousin was with me but then it wasn't a chase, we were going to visit a friend of his at her apartment. The car careened into the parking lot and upstairs we went. Don't remember much, said hello, something something something. Cats all over the place. I'm a dog guy.
hmmmm, should I put in my own interpretations of why things took place? OK, since 2 items seem connected to recent events, I'll mention them.
First, the cat thing. Several weeks ago I gave a ride in my truck a lady trucker and her kitten (stop it!) to bring her home from our Fl terminal. Cute kitten, I'm just not a cat guy. No problems with them, I dont shoo them away, I'll hold and pet a cat if it comes to me, I'm just simply a dog guy. But this kitten would be back in the bunk of the truck and unexpectedly jump down onto my shoulder as I drove, and sit there. Or crawl onto the drivers window and bask in the sun next to my arm. So, cats were sort of in my recent experience and these in the dream were jumping on me crawling around me. No big deal.
Suddenly I leave the living room and step outside into the back yard (huh? I was upstairs in an apartment!). A dozen more cats, all friendly. But several layed stretched out on the ground and another cousin (where'd she come from?) says "Someone should tell her these things are dead, they just don't know it yet". But looking at them, the cats are breathing, just stretched out on the grass ignoring all the activity around them. OK, TWO references for this one - several days ago in Seattle I watched a PBS show that had divers at the bottom of the Columbia River near Portland checking on aquatic life and illnesses caused by poor oxygen levels. They showed multiple life forms, fish, eels, starfish, laying lifeless on the sand, barely breathing, in the throes of death. It seemed the cats in my dream might have been like this. SECOND reference, years ago, when Fran broke my heart, I took to the highway (surprise!). I went to her hometown and called her, I went to her high school and called her, I traveled the country calling her and asking her to fly out and join me. When I got home two months later I wrote "An Ode To Fran" about being lonely and taking to the road and I described the start of the journey as being "restless. Like a cat stretched out on the floor, its claws dug into the carpet arching its back with a yearning to spring to action".
So one of the cats in the yard catches my eye and I go to it. I dismiss my cousin's comment with "no, they're not dying, just gathering strength for the rest of the afternoon". And I knelt and reached out to stroke the body of an orange tabbie (Fran loved Garfield). It rolled over towards me and it was Fran. Suddenly it was not a cat, but was Fran. For the life of me I can't recall what she said to me but it was brief. She looked at me then turned away. I pulled her shoulders to turn her towards me again but her head faced away. I reached over and gently took her jaw and turned her face to me and said "Let me do this, I know you like it". I reached with my left hand and stroked her hair from the right side of her face and then with my hand on the side of her head, my thumb caressed her right temple (kind of like cats often enjoy). She smiled and we were like that for a moment longer and I woke up.
out of the blue, garfield become fran, dead becomes alive, rejection becomes gratitude and I got to see my Fran one (last?) time.
I'm a believer in ghosts. I don't seek them out (normally), don't get haunted by them, don't pin my hopes of an exciting afterlife on them, but I'm open to the possibilities.
Even if one possibility is that it is our subconscience playing tricks, or trying to reassure us. But still, I have seen or heard a thing or two that is unexplained, I have had dreams that seem to be "appearances", and have observed things that just seem to be too symbolic to be ignored.
Some of them are timely. Some of them are fraught with emotional over or undertones. Some are satisfying, some are disturbing, some are reassuring. But none, in my experience, are things I could ever manipulate. I can't make a ghost say something I want to hear, I can't make them appear when I most want them to, and I can't make them stay longer when they visit.
I've posted many times about the love of my life, Fran Harbert. Unrequited love, of course, but my soul mate none-the-less in my opinion. We had difficulty assigning importance to my feeling for her and hers for me. When I wanted to press her, she chose to turn her back in an act, I guess, of self protection. She wasn't ready for being in love so wanted distance between us to keep that emotional conflict at bay. We got over it, resumed a friendship when she unexpectedly left town without saying goodbye. I searched for her for years without success. Then one day learned of her death, I believe, of cancer. I visited her grave several time and consciously WILLED myself to dream about her, but I never could. It had been about 17 years since I had seen her face in person, over 10 since I last saw a photo of her, and only my mind's eye to recall memories of her and I. The anniversary of her birthday (and death) was in April so that little annual blip of her in my conscience had come and gone and she has not been on my mind at all since then.
Enter the dream. Weird as ever. Disjointed. Characters together that don't belong together. Places real and imaginary. Scene and dialogue jumping around non-sensically like a really badly edited film student's attempt at art. So from what I recall it involved a chase in a truck, no, a car, no a convertible. My cousin was with me but then it wasn't a chase, we were going to visit a friend of his at her apartment. The car careened into the parking lot and upstairs we went. Don't remember much, said hello, something something something. Cats all over the place. I'm a dog guy.
hmmmm, should I put in my own interpretations of why things took place? OK, since 2 items seem connected to recent events, I'll mention them.
First, the cat thing. Several weeks ago I gave a ride in my truck a lady trucker and her kitten (stop it!) to bring her home from our Fl terminal. Cute kitten, I'm just not a cat guy. No problems with them, I dont shoo them away, I'll hold and pet a cat if it comes to me, I'm just simply a dog guy. But this kitten would be back in the bunk of the truck and unexpectedly jump down onto my shoulder as I drove, and sit there. Or crawl onto the drivers window and bask in the sun next to my arm. So, cats were sort of in my recent experience and these in the dream were jumping on me crawling around me. No big deal.
Suddenly I leave the living room and step outside into the back yard (huh? I was upstairs in an apartment!). A dozen more cats, all friendly. But several layed stretched out on the ground and another cousin (where'd she come from?) says "Someone should tell her these things are dead, they just don't know it yet". But looking at them, the cats are breathing, just stretched out on the grass ignoring all the activity around them. OK, TWO references for this one - several days ago in Seattle I watched a PBS show that had divers at the bottom of the Columbia River near Portland checking on aquatic life and illnesses caused by poor oxygen levels. They showed multiple life forms, fish, eels, starfish, laying lifeless on the sand, barely breathing, in the throes of death. It seemed the cats in my dream might have been like this. SECOND reference, years ago, when Fran broke my heart, I took to the highway (surprise!). I went to her hometown and called her, I went to her high school and called her, I traveled the country calling her and asking her to fly out and join me. When I got home two months later I wrote "An Ode To Fran" about being lonely and taking to the road and I described the start of the journey as being "restless. Like a cat stretched out on the floor, its claws dug into the carpet arching its back with a yearning to spring to action".
So one of the cats in the yard catches my eye and I go to it. I dismiss my cousin's comment with "no, they're not dying, just gathering strength for the rest of the afternoon". And I knelt and reached out to stroke the body of an orange tabbie (Fran loved Garfield). It rolled over towards me and it was Fran. Suddenly it was not a cat, but was Fran. For the life of me I can't recall what she said to me but it was brief. She looked at me then turned away. I pulled her shoulders to turn her towards me again but her head faced away. I reached over and gently took her jaw and turned her face to me and said "Let me do this, I know you like it". I reached with my left hand and stroked her hair from the right side of her face and then with my hand on the side of her head, my thumb caressed her right temple (kind of like cats often enjoy). She smiled and we were like that for a moment longer and I woke up.
out of the blue, garfield become fran, dead becomes alive, rejection becomes gratitude and I got to see my Fran one (last?) time.
Obama and his "Change"
Of course this isn't a surprise, after all, its the number one reason I didn't vote for him. Obama is a Bushie in dems clothing. The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh?
Congress has passed the extension of the Bush era unconstitutional "Patriot Act", the ironically named set of laws that take away the very rights the REAL patriots of American history fought to give us. Obama will sign it later tonite.
Days like this almost make me fall into the camp of Obama haters.
Congress : just WHO do you represent anyway? *shakes head*
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43180202/ns/politics-capitol_hill/
Congress has passed the extension of the Bush era unconstitutional "Patriot Act", the ironically named set of laws that take away the very rights the REAL patriots of American history fought to give us. Obama will sign it later tonite.
Days like this almost make me fall into the camp of Obama haters.
Congress : just WHO do you represent anyway? *shakes head*
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43180202/ns/politics-capitol_hill/
No come backs - come on beeeeek!
Bakebaby
its been two years, why is that spam account still active?
I really hope Adam doesn't lose sleep wondering why many of us think he has abandoned this site and that is why we have also.
mini-rant over, back to facebook.
I really hope Adam doesn't lose sleep wondering why many of us think he has abandoned this site and that is why we have also.
mini-rant over, back to facebook.
the storm
from the Chattanooga Times Free Press :
Farewell, my family
Chattanooga, Tenn. — How do you picture 340 tornado victims?
Does the number make it difficult?
Can you connect 340 nightmares?
Wendy Ellis can connect four at once.
Her son, cousin, mother and grandmother.
Four generations, four deaths in as many seconds.
Adam Carroll, 17; Joshua Poe, 31; Brenda Prescott, 56; JoAnn Darnell, 77.
None of the relatives shared a last name.
They shared a last moment.
***
The houses, the cars, the possessions lost in the storms that devastated Dixie can be rebuilt, repaired, regained. But the human cost suffered by Wendy Ellis and countless people like her is a loss for all time.
Ellis, 34, said she saw the red, yellow and purple blotches on the TV weather screens Wednesday. She watched local news anchors, but their message never quite connected.
"They forewarned us, but you don't think it's going to be us," she said.
The lights went out inside her one-story Rossville home about 3 p.m. -- not good for a woman with two sons used to charging their phones, playing video games and scrolling Facebook.
Ellis said the boys persuaded her to drive them to her mother's trailer in Apison, where electricity hummed.
The sky was relatively calm. Ellis elected to drop them off and drive home to Rossville, since "five people would be in a three-bedroom mobile home."
The next day, after work as a placement specialist at Elwood Staffing, she would return for her boys.
When they arrived, Ellis' older son, Adam Carroll, stepped inside the trailer without a long goodbye.
A stocky wrestler who went by "Tex," Adam dated two girls. He donned a cowboy hat, painted his body blue for Ringgold High School football games and hung out in his "man cave."
He couldn't wait for college, his mother said.
Andrew Ellis, Adam's 8-year-old half-brother and Ellis' younger son, lingered outside for a minute. A creative boy, Andrew often struck a pose for pictures, loved Georgia football and played outside until bedtime.
"He looked up to his brother," Ellis said.
As Ellis walked away, Andrew did what many boys his age do.
"He has a tendency to tell me he loves me no matter what, and hugs me," she said. "That's what happened."
***
Listening to the radio at home about an hour later, Ellis heard about a tornado hitting Apison with 190-mph winds.
The announcer got specific: Clonts Road.
The trailer.
Ellis called her mom, cousin and sons.
Nothing but voicemails and silence.
She bolted back to Apison.
"It was natural instinct for me to go that way," she said.
She ran into police roadblocks and pulled into Apison Elementary School, which slowly became a triage center.
By then, two of Ellis' uncles had ignored police barricades at the corner of East Brainerd Road and Apison Pike, following the railroad about a mile toward 4607 Clonts Road.
They found the bodies. Adam looked as if "he was sleeping across a tree," according to the two uncles, Ellis said. A tree had fallen onto Joshua Poe, Ellis' cousin, killing him. Ellis' mother, Brenda Prescott, and her grandmother, JoAnn Darnell, also died at the scene.
In all, the week's storms killed at least 344 people across six southern states. Eight died in Apison, Hamilton County's most affected area, where the tornado obliterated once-sturdy neighborhoods as well as trailer parks.
"Without a grid you didn't even know if you were looking at the right address," Hamilton County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Janice Atkinson said Friday. "There's nothing left."
***
Walking in a cow pasture hundreds of yards away, Ellis' uncles stumbled upon Andrew alive with a broken right femur -- the long bone in his leg -- and deep cuts all over his body.
Early Thursday morning, when the morphine wore off after hours of surgery at Children's Hospital at Erlanger, Andrew wondered aloud when he could go home, Ellis said.
According to family members at the hospital, Andrew said he remembered "Nanny covering me in the bathtub ... when all of a sudden, here come that big wind."
He doesn't know about the deaths.
"He'll probably have to have therapy," said the boy's grandfather, Richard Carroll, who drove from Atlanta after the tragedy.
"I don't know how I'm going to tell him," Ellis said. "But he's just an angel ... to be the only survivor in that setting."
Ellis said she's grieving but isn't bitter because "everything happens for a reason."
She began thinking about whether she would have done anything differently.
No, she said, tearing up and motioning toward the pediatric intensive care unit, where her creative, funny, younger son held on to life.
"Now I've got one up there," she said. "If I had stayed at the trailer [and died], what would have happened to him?"
***
On Thursday, Ellis began dealing with death, crying more as the shock wore off.
A Hamilton County Sheriff's deputy phoned to ask if her mother, Brenda Prescott, had any birthmarks or tattoos.
"It'll probably be closed caskets," she said. "I wanted to remember them how they were."
As a student at East Ridge High School, Ellis became pregnant with Adam. She "refused to become a single-mom statistic," got her GED and depended on her own mother, Prescott, to be a rock for Adam.
"My mom was everybody's mom," Ellis said. "For [Adam] to pass with my mom -- I know it sounds terrible, but I'm glad it was him and not Andrew. ... Adam would have done something drastic."
Ellis went home Friday. She walked through her sons' bedrooms, occasionally talking about "my little one" and "my oldest one" in the present tense, as if both were coming home.
She wore a duplicate of Andrew's hospital bracelet and a black band Adam wore to Ringgold High School: "SENIORS 2012 -- Celebrate all you've achieved."
She picked through Adam's closet. Held his cowboy hat to her face. Breathed in his scent.
Selected a blue polo shirt for his final outfit.
Farewell, my family
Chattanooga, Tenn. — How do you picture 340 tornado victims?
Does the number make it difficult?
Can you connect 340 nightmares?
Wendy Ellis can connect four at once.
Her son, cousin, mother and grandmother.
Four generations, four deaths in as many seconds.
Adam Carroll, 17; Joshua Poe, 31; Brenda Prescott, 56; JoAnn Darnell, 77.
None of the relatives shared a last name.
They shared a last moment.
***
The houses, the cars, the possessions lost in the storms that devastated Dixie can be rebuilt, repaired, regained. But the human cost suffered by Wendy Ellis and countless people like her is a loss for all time.
Ellis, 34, said she saw the red, yellow and purple blotches on the TV weather screens Wednesday. She watched local news anchors, but their message never quite connected.
"They forewarned us, but you don't think it's going to be us," she said.
The lights went out inside her one-story Rossville home about 3 p.m. -- not good for a woman with two sons used to charging their phones, playing video games and scrolling Facebook.
Ellis said the boys persuaded her to drive them to her mother's trailer in Apison, where electricity hummed.
The sky was relatively calm. Ellis elected to drop them off and drive home to Rossville, since "five people would be in a three-bedroom mobile home."
The next day, after work as a placement specialist at Elwood Staffing, she would return for her boys.
When they arrived, Ellis' older son, Adam Carroll, stepped inside the trailer without a long goodbye.
A stocky wrestler who went by "Tex," Adam dated two girls. He donned a cowboy hat, painted his body blue for Ringgold High School football games and hung out in his "man cave."
He couldn't wait for college, his mother said.
Andrew Ellis, Adam's 8-year-old half-brother and Ellis' younger son, lingered outside for a minute. A creative boy, Andrew often struck a pose for pictures, loved Georgia football and played outside until bedtime.
"He looked up to his brother," Ellis said.
As Ellis walked away, Andrew did what many boys his age do.
"He has a tendency to tell me he loves me no matter what, and hugs me," she said. "That's what happened."
***
Listening to the radio at home about an hour later, Ellis heard about a tornado hitting Apison with 190-mph winds.
The announcer got specific: Clonts Road.
The trailer.
Ellis called her mom, cousin and sons.
Nothing but voicemails and silence.
She bolted back to Apison.
"It was natural instinct for me to go that way," she said.
She ran into police roadblocks and pulled into Apison Elementary School, which slowly became a triage center.
By then, two of Ellis' uncles had ignored police barricades at the corner of East Brainerd Road and Apison Pike, following the railroad about a mile toward 4607 Clonts Road.
They found the bodies. Adam looked as if "he was sleeping across a tree," according to the two uncles, Ellis said. A tree had fallen onto Joshua Poe, Ellis' cousin, killing him. Ellis' mother, Brenda Prescott, and her grandmother, JoAnn Darnell, also died at the scene.
In all, the week's storms killed at least 344 people across six southern states. Eight died in Apison, Hamilton County's most affected area, where the tornado obliterated once-sturdy neighborhoods as well as trailer parks.
"Without a grid you didn't even know if you were looking at the right address," Hamilton County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Janice Atkinson said Friday. "There's nothing left."
***
Walking in a cow pasture hundreds of yards away, Ellis' uncles stumbled upon Andrew alive with a broken right femur -- the long bone in his leg -- and deep cuts all over his body.
Early Thursday morning, when the morphine wore off after hours of surgery at Children's Hospital at Erlanger, Andrew wondered aloud when he could go home, Ellis said.
According to family members at the hospital, Andrew said he remembered "Nanny covering me in the bathtub ... when all of a sudden, here come that big wind."
He doesn't know about the deaths.
"He'll probably have to have therapy," said the boy's grandfather, Richard Carroll, who drove from Atlanta after the tragedy.
"I don't know how I'm going to tell him," Ellis said. "But he's just an angel ... to be the only survivor in that setting."
Ellis said she's grieving but isn't bitter because "everything happens for a reason."
She began thinking about whether she would have done anything differently.
No, she said, tearing up and motioning toward the pediatric intensive care unit, where her creative, funny, younger son held on to life.
"Now I've got one up there," she said. "If I had stayed at the trailer [and died], what would have happened to him?"
***
On Thursday, Ellis began dealing with death, crying more as the shock wore off.
A Hamilton County Sheriff's deputy phoned to ask if her mother, Brenda Prescott, had any birthmarks or tattoos.
"It'll probably be closed caskets," she said. "I wanted to remember them how they were."
As a student at East Ridge High School, Ellis became pregnant with Adam. She "refused to become a single-mom statistic," got her GED and depended on her own mother, Prescott, to be a rock for Adam.
"My mom was everybody's mom," Ellis said. "For [Adam] to pass with my mom -- I know it sounds terrible, but I'm glad it was him and not Andrew. ... Adam would have done something drastic."
Ellis went home Friday. She walked through her sons' bedrooms, occasionally talking about "my little one" and "my oldest one" in the present tense, as if both were coming home.
She wore a duplicate of Andrew's hospital bracelet and a black band Adam wore to Ringgold High School: "SENIORS 2012 -- Celebrate all you've achieved."
She picked through Adam's closet. Held his cowboy hat to her face. Breathed in his scent.
Selected a blue polo shirt for his final outfit.
So. Egypt.
Is this a death knell for Obama? After all he appointed both John Kerry to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and more importantly (or worse depending on your point of view) appointed Leon Panetta, a pal of Clinton with no, or little, intelligence experience to head the CIA as Director.
Epic fail.
Forget national security issues, Obama can't do the most important job of President in this day and age and get talented people in the jobs that matter? I wouldn't have voted for him for a 2nd term anyway (I didn't vote for him for his first, either, due to his suspiciously similar M.O. to the Bush regime), but this definitely puts a black mark on his permanent record.
Epic fail.
Forget national security issues, Obama can't do the most important job of President in this day and age and get talented people in the jobs that matter? I wouldn't have voted for him for a 2nd term anyway (I didn't vote for him for his first, either, due to his suspiciously similar M.O. to the Bush regime), but this definitely puts a black mark on his permanent record.
No come backs - come on beeeeek!
My Annual Trek, 2010 :
mmmm, where did that hat come from? almost like it was a dream .............
'TWAS 2010
It was the night before Christmas
With the truck covered in snow
I had parked at the truck stop
No more miles to go
The weather had been frightful
The roads were a mess
And I was happy to go to sleep
As I climbed into the bunk and got myself undressed.
The parking lot was dark
But my dashboard did glow
From the fiber optic Christmas tree
Strobing across Higginsville, Mo
I was sound in my sleep
Warm in my bed
When came the familiar clatter
Up above my head.
"Not again! Damn You Santa!
Can't you just let me be?
Just one year off
From this late night sortee"?
"Get outta the bed, Brandon"!
The Fat One did bellow
"And grab the reigns
You love struck young fellow"!
"Oh crap, oh alright
As usual you win,
Let me grab my coat and gloves
And we'll go for a spin".
So once more I climbed up
And into the sleigh
Rudolf gave a snicker
And we were on our way.
So Santa hands me a list
And points to the east
But I say "No Way!
That storm was a beast!"
"I just came out of it Big Man
And don't care to go back
So lets head west, go on,
hand me that sack!"
"If you say so", he said,
"But I thought you might get a gas,
If you got to buzz old Sand Mountain
And impress that young lass!"
"Maybe next time, Santa
I appreciate the thought
But lets stick to the west
And try not to get caught".
And so Santa settled
And took his long nap
While Rudolf and the gang
Flew without aid of a map.
We delivered the toys
And a few lumps of coal
To the girls and the boys
From the elves at the pole.
Santa woke with a snort
And took a tug from his flask
He brought us back to my truck
And the end of my task.
"I like the new rig" Santa said,
"All American Xpress?"
"Back to the long haul, Santa,
More miles and less stress!"
"Now before you doze off BigB,
one word of advice,
that gal is a keeper,
who can be naughty AND nice!"
"You stay safe on those roads
As I'll stay safe in the skies
Have a Merry Christmas, Bruce
And To All A Good Night!"
well, if I couldn't be with that someone special last night,
I guess being with Santa Claus is a close second!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my friends and family across the miles!b.
'TWAS 2010
It was the night before Christmas
With the truck covered in snow
I had parked at the truck stop
No more miles to go
The weather had been frightful
The roads were a mess
And I was happy to go to sleep
As I climbed into the bunk and got myself undressed.
The parking lot was dark
But my dashboard did glow
From the fiber optic Christmas tree
Strobing across Higginsville, Mo
I was sound in my sleep
Warm in my bed
When came the familiar clatter
Up above my head.
"Not again! Damn You Santa!
Can't you just let me be?
Just one year off
From this late night sortee"?
"Get outta the bed, Brandon"!
The Fat One did bellow
"And grab the reigns
You love struck young fellow"!
"Oh crap, oh alright
As usual you win,
Let me grab my coat and gloves
And we'll go for a spin".
So once more I climbed up
And into the sleigh
Rudolf gave a snicker
And we were on our way.
So Santa hands me a list
And points to the east
But I say "No Way!
That storm was a beast!"
"I just came out of it Big Man
And don't care to go back
So lets head west, go on,
hand me that sack!"
"If you say so", he said,
"But I thought you might get a gas,
If you got to buzz old Sand Mountain
And impress that young lass!"
"Maybe next time, Santa
I appreciate the thought
But lets stick to the west
And try not to get caught".
And so Santa settled
And took his long nap
While Rudolf and the gang
Flew without aid of a map.
We delivered the toys
And a few lumps of coal
To the girls and the boys
From the elves at the pole.
Santa woke with a snort
And took a tug from his flask
He brought us back to my truck
And the end of my task.
"I like the new rig" Santa said,
"All American Xpress?"
"Back to the long haul, Santa,
More miles and less stress!"
"Now before you doze off BigB,
one word of advice,
that gal is a keeper,
who can be naughty AND nice!"
"You stay safe on those roads
As I'll stay safe in the skies
Have a Merry Christmas, Bruce
And To All A Good Night!"
well, if I couldn't be with that someone special last night,
I guess being with Santa Claus is a close second!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my friends and family across the miles!b.
It's Official! I'm a Boyfriend, LOL!
sad that a 50 year old (relationship) virgin is psyched that he gets to change his FB status to "in a relationship" but it sure did stir up the crowd, didnit?
So here's a little of the backstory to last night.
When Yvonne and I had our happy reunion and great time together out west in September, I knew it had the potential to be serious and I didn't want to waste any more time - hell, I waited 2 years since the last time we had seen each other!
But after the trip when I asked if I could tell my friends she was my 'girlfriend', she surprised me by saying no. She wanted to take things slow.
OK, I was fine with that and as most know, went nuts in the next 3 months because it seemed she just wasn't interested in making our fledgling relationship a priority. But I was confident that when we spoke, it was from the heart and she WAS serious about us being a couple.
So I pretty much forgot about it - I've posted just a few pix of us together, none of her alone though I have lots that I love - and though I've ratcheted up my words to make sure she has no reason to doubt that I am serious about wanting to be in her life and have her in mine, she has kept it cool.
I have had a few small break throughs - I remember the first time we ended a phone conversation and she said "I love you"; I noticed whenever she mentioned talking to someone about me; I saved the text she sent last month "you're breaking down my walls" after she had me join her family at Thanksgiving; and though I have told her repeatedly I'll be in her life unless she pushes me away, when I went on the road 2 weeks ago, she turned the phrase and I was happy when she said "one of these days I'll come on the road with you, if you'll have me". But I haven't been able to convince her to use my place as her own - not to move in, though I'd like that, but as a place to get away, stow some extra cloths, bring some personal stuff over, take my key, and use it when she wants.
Last night was to be a regular nite - I was frustrated because her coming to my place didn't happen, then a 3pm date didnt happen, and finally I met her at her place at 7pm when she was done with 'other chores'. OK, I can deal with it. I brought her a big stocking filled with souveniers and a Christmas gift buried in the bottom. It is a pair of earrings that will match a pendant that I bought her for her November birthday, but I still have to give that to her! So we take a break and go outside to cuddle by the goldfish pond and have some alone time (she moved back to her parents home so she can help care for her nephews who live next door). Well, she relates a story to me that her sister asked if we would make it as a couple with me going on the road and her possibly going into the military. Long story short, she told her sister yes, that we had talked about it and were happy that we are committed to being part of each others lives. She then gives me a kiss and coyly says "well, since I pretty much told sis we are a couple, I guess you can call me your girlfriend now". A small thing, but she is the youngest daughter, spoiled, protective of her privacy, and needful of approval from her folks. So next thing I know we are hand in hand walking into the living room and her dad says "oh no, what's about to happen?". And she simply tells her mom and dad that it is official, she and I are boyfriend/girlfriend and she hopes they approve. They do, of course. They like me alot and I think her dad has been watching to see how I handle her 'little girl' type of personality and I think he has respected my patience with her even though I have repeatedly told them how serious I feel about her and how frustrating its been to be kept at arms length by her as she tends to things other than our relationship.
So it gets a little more odd as the four of us then sit for 20 minutes talking about marriage, places, times of years, settings, honeymoon spots, tales of her siblings marriages ... we went from announcing our being a couple to them pretty much acknowleging that a wedding is in the future! Not that I mind, it is if I have my way; at the pond when she told me that as of then we were a couple, I repeated to her what i have said before - as long as she doesn't push me away, she will get a proposal from me, I just want to respect her "take it slow" mantra and be sure she is ready to say yes before I drop to my knee and ask that question. So it was just kind of funny that her folks are already on the same page as me, waiting for their girl to make up her mind that she is ready to take that step (she had just ended an engagement when we met 2 1/2 years ago).
A bit later in the kitchen, I decided to give her the birthday pendant with her Mom watching. It was awkward as the pendant was in a ring box, and she had just told them we were a couple. I have no idea if either of them took a breath until she opened the box and saw it wasn't a diamond ring, LOL! Maybe for Valentines ...
and that, as Paul Harvey says, is the rest of the story!
So here's a little of the backstory to last night.
When Yvonne and I had our happy reunion and great time together out west in September, I knew it had the potential to be serious and I didn't want to waste any more time - hell, I waited 2 years since the last time we had seen each other!
But after the trip when I asked if I could tell my friends she was my 'girlfriend', she surprised me by saying no. She wanted to take things slow.
OK, I was fine with that and as most know, went nuts in the next 3 months because it seemed she just wasn't interested in making our fledgling relationship a priority. But I was confident that when we spoke, it was from the heart and she WAS serious about us being a couple.
So I pretty much forgot about it - I've posted just a few pix of us together, none of her alone though I have lots that I love - and though I've ratcheted up my words to make sure she has no reason to doubt that I am serious about wanting to be in her life and have her in mine, she has kept it cool.
I have had a few small break throughs - I remember the first time we ended a phone conversation and she said "I love you"; I noticed whenever she mentioned talking to someone about me; I saved the text she sent last month "you're breaking down my walls" after she had me join her family at Thanksgiving; and though I have told her repeatedly I'll be in her life unless she pushes me away, when I went on the road 2 weeks ago, she turned the phrase and I was happy when she said "one of these days I'll come on the road with you, if you'll have me". But I haven't been able to convince her to use my place as her own - not to move in, though I'd like that, but as a place to get away, stow some extra cloths, bring some personal stuff over, take my key, and use it when she wants.
Last night was to be a regular nite - I was frustrated because her coming to my place didn't happen, then a 3pm date didnt happen, and finally I met her at her place at 7pm when she was done with 'other chores'. OK, I can deal with it. I brought her a big stocking filled with souveniers and a Christmas gift buried in the bottom. It is a pair of earrings that will match a pendant that I bought her for her November birthday, but I still have to give that to her! So we take a break and go outside to cuddle by the goldfish pond and have some alone time (she moved back to her parents home so she can help care for her nephews who live next door). Well, she relates a story to me that her sister asked if we would make it as a couple with me going on the road and her possibly going into the military. Long story short, she told her sister yes, that we had talked about it and were happy that we are committed to being part of each others lives. She then gives me a kiss and coyly says "well, since I pretty much told sis we are a couple, I guess you can call me your girlfriend now". A small thing, but she is the youngest daughter, spoiled, protective of her privacy, and needful of approval from her folks. So next thing I know we are hand in hand walking into the living room and her dad says "oh no, what's about to happen?". And she simply tells her mom and dad that it is official, she and I are boyfriend/girlfriend and she hopes they approve. They do, of course. They like me alot and I think her dad has been watching to see how I handle her 'little girl' type of personality and I think he has respected my patience with her even though I have repeatedly told them how serious I feel about her and how frustrating its been to be kept at arms length by her as she tends to things other than our relationship.
So it gets a little more odd as the four of us then sit for 20 minutes talking about marriage, places, times of years, settings, honeymoon spots, tales of her siblings marriages ... we went from announcing our being a couple to them pretty much acknowleging that a wedding is in the future! Not that I mind, it is if I have my way; at the pond when she told me that as of then we were a couple, I repeated to her what i have said before - as long as she doesn't push me away, she will get a proposal from me, I just want to respect her "take it slow" mantra and be sure she is ready to say yes before I drop to my knee and ask that question. So it was just kind of funny that her folks are already on the same page as me, waiting for their girl to make up her mind that she is ready to take that step (she had just ended an engagement when we met 2 1/2 years ago).
A bit later in the kitchen, I decided to give her the birthday pendant with her Mom watching. It was awkward as the pendant was in a ring box, and she had just told them we were a couple. I have no idea if either of them took a breath until she opened the box and saw it wasn't a diamond ring, LOL! Maybe for Valentines ...
and that, as Paul Harvey says, is the rest of the story!
Winding Down
Well, time for the end of another extended leave from work! Things came together nicely time-wise. I finally got the repairs done to the condo that allowed the finishing of the carpet install. In the interim I painted walls and trim and then after the cleanup re-arranged the furniture into a nicer, different, layout.
Things with Yvonne have continued to move slow, but everything is encouraging, from the invite to share Thanksgiving with her family to simply things like having her now say and text "I love you". I don't need much, and just knowing the shift in attitude that allows her to be that open after all these months means a great deal. We still have a lot of hurdles to get past (she is seriously considering joining the military in a few months), but I know I'm in it for the long haul so I think the 'L' word is as good a sign of commitment as I may see for a while, LOL!
And, speaking of long haul, I finally got one of my ideal job wishes to come true. Just as my money is running out (I HAVE to start getting a paycheck by mid-December) a trucking company I applied to months ago called me in for an interview. After a little foot dragging on both our sides (me because of the holidays and wrapping up the home improvements), they called yesterday and made the job offer official. I will get to get back to coast to coast driving that I haven't seen since before my Mom became sick in 2002 and I focused on driving jobs that allowed me regular time off in PA every 2 weeks. This will be a winter challenge as I will be going from this area (north Georgia) up to the NW (I think the Seattle area but won't know exactly where until next week at orientation). While I love driving the I-80 corridor across Nebraska, Wyoming and shooting up I-84 across Idaho and Oregon, it means mountains and blizzards. The plus side is that I prefer that kind of bad weather driving out there much more because there is less traffic - it is far more stressful to run in rain and even a little snow or ice back east with bumper to bumper traffic congestion of the big cities than it is to take on heavier weather in more remote areas of the west.
So, I have finished my condo rehab, seem to be on track with this strange thing called a relationship, have narrowly avoided bottoming out my savings (and credit) accounts, and am about to embark on a happy return to what I started this career for, long haul trucking! toot-toot!
Things with Yvonne have continued to move slow, but everything is encouraging, from the invite to share Thanksgiving with her family to simply things like having her now say and text "I love you". I don't need much, and just knowing the shift in attitude that allows her to be that open after all these months means a great deal. We still have a lot of hurdles to get past (she is seriously considering joining the military in a few months), but I know I'm in it for the long haul so I think the 'L' word is as good a sign of commitment as I may see for a while, LOL!
And, speaking of long haul, I finally got one of my ideal job wishes to come true. Just as my money is running out (I HAVE to start getting a paycheck by mid-December) a trucking company I applied to months ago called me in for an interview. After a little foot dragging on both our sides (me because of the holidays and wrapping up the home improvements), they called yesterday and made the job offer official. I will get to get back to coast to coast driving that I haven't seen since before my Mom became sick in 2002 and I focused on driving jobs that allowed me regular time off in PA every 2 weeks. This will be a winter challenge as I will be going from this area (north Georgia) up to the NW (I think the Seattle area but won't know exactly where until next week at orientation). While I love driving the I-80 corridor across Nebraska, Wyoming and shooting up I-84 across Idaho and Oregon, it means mountains and blizzards. The plus side is that I prefer that kind of bad weather driving out there much more because there is less traffic - it is far more stressful to run in rain and even a little snow or ice back east with bumper to bumper traffic congestion of the big cities than it is to take on heavier weather in more remote areas of the west.
So, I have finished my condo rehab, seem to be on track with this strange thing called a relationship, have narrowly avoided bottoming out my savings (and credit) accounts, and am about to embark on a happy return to what I started this career for, long haul trucking! toot-toot!
Insult On Top Of Injury
Of course I couldn't have a nice clean getaway last night - I went to my truck and . . .
nothing. I sat in the parking lot in 40 degree temps waiting an hour for road service to come give me a jump start.
Meanwhile, the one I have been 'dating' for the last 2 months again backed out of a date today and when I sent an email telling her that it hurt less to be alone than to be ignored, she responded again with the 'scared of a relationship' line. Last weekend it was 'your breaking down my walls, I love you'. Today its 'I'm really fond of you, please come to dinner tomorrow night, my uncle is in town and wants to meet you'. So talk about mixed signals! One minute we're in love, the next in like. One minute she is afraid of commitment, the next I am having dinner with even more of the family than I have met previously.
Well, at least the distraction of 'what if' with Sherri is over and done with.
nothing. I sat in the parking lot in 40 degree temps waiting an hour for road service to come give me a jump start.
Meanwhile, the one I have been 'dating' for the last 2 months again backed out of a date today and when I sent an email telling her that it hurt less to be alone than to be ignored, she responded again with the 'scared of a relationship' line. Last weekend it was 'your breaking down my walls, I love you'. Today its 'I'm really fond of you, please come to dinner tomorrow night, my uncle is in town and wants to meet you'. So talk about mixed signals! One minute we're in love, the next in like. One minute she is afraid of commitment, the next I am having dinner with even more of the family than I have met previously.
Well, at least the distraction of 'what if' with Sherri is over and done with.
One Romantic Fantasy Down The Toilet
The girl I came back to Chattanooga for, Sherri, the one I first tried to get to join me on my trip, the one I wore my heart on my sleeve for, who I have loaned my truck to, have taken to doctors appointments, have done everything to show her I would like to be the man in her life - after telling me she wanted to not be in a relationship right now and that even though she didn't want to ask me to wait for her, would like it if I did, has admitted she is more than friends with one of her room mates, a stooge with a bad leg, bad teeth, a lousy job, and no place of his own who she just met a month ago.
I shook my head and walked out. I'm tired of women not respecting me and then crying when I show respect for myself and walk away.
I shook my head and walked out. I'm tired of women not respecting me and then crying when I show respect for myself and walk away.
new Email
friends and family - my hotmail account has been repeatedly hacked in the last 3 days so I am giving it up and shifting to my gmail account for primary correspondence - please send me a note there so I can build up a new address book, thanks
bbmyls2go@gmail.com
bbmyls2go@gmail.com
No come backs - come on beeeeek!
Christmas Tip From Fire Marshal Bill !
Alllllllrightythen! What, kiddos, is the number one rule of fire safety? That's right!
STOP! SHOP! and ROLL !!!
Just finished creating an on-line shop at CafePress featuring items with photos and logos from my fire department, my vintage Mack fire truck, and its fictional FD, the Hooker Hose Company. I also have a temporary website telling the story of Mack #1298 (it will later be transferred to my own domain). If there is anything you see in the way of products not shown on my page that you might like adorned with one of the half dozen images I am using, just let me know and I will create it just for you! For instance all shirts are short sleeves, but if you want a hoodie, or a sweatshirt, or a toque, I can set up a product easily for you to order (the free shops have a limit of 50 items and none are supposed to be alike (so some types of tee shirts, for instance, can only have one logo on them, I can't display 5 types of shirts and have all of them eligible to have different logos on them). Anyway, all proceeds are going to the costs of repair, renovation, and operation of my Mack which has been garaged for more than a year in search of a qualified mechanic.
The Mack webstore is : http://www.cafepress.com/HookerHoseCompany
the Hooker webpage is : http://www.wix.com/bigb5560/hookerhosecompany
STOP! SHOP! and ROLL !!!
Just finished creating an on-line shop at CafePress featuring items with photos and logos from my fire department, my vintage Mack fire truck, and its fictional FD, the Hooker Hose Company. I also have a temporary website telling the story of Mack #1298 (it will later be transferred to my own domain). If there is anything you see in the way of products not shown on my page that you might like adorned with one of the half dozen images I am using, just let me know and I will create it just for you! For instance all shirts are short sleeves, but if you want a hoodie, or a sweatshirt, or a toque, I can set up a product easily for you to order (the free shops have a limit of 50 items and none are supposed to be alike (so some types of tee shirts, for instance, can only have one logo on them, I can't display 5 types of shirts and have all of them eligible to have different logos on them). Anyway, all proceeds are going to the costs of repair, renovation, and operation of my Mack which has been garaged for more than a year in search of a qualified mechanic.
The Mack webstore is : http://www.cafepress.com/HookerHoseCompany
the Hooker webpage is : http://www.wix.com/bigb5560/hookerhosecompany
No come backs - come on beeeeek!
Slowly We Turned , . . STEP by STEP . . .
Don't know if I got thru to her or if her Mom, who never replied to my email nor acknowleged the correspondence when I saw her last week, said something to her, but
Yvonne and I may have turned a corner.
Plenty of flirt texts all week, conversations now ending with "I love you"
A night out last weekend with her 5 year old nephew Sam (and when he held my hand walking down the street she punched me and mouthed "he doesn't do that with ANYone but me" - yea! bonus points!).
Today was the start of 2 days together which I insisted on (without Sam),
and then an invite to her house for dinner with her family on Monday, her birthday.
update - she doesn't want a family birthday party and will come to my place after work Monday, we'll go out for dinner then back home (mine) for the night.
I'm apparently the buzz of her family now. She told me her Mom has been "bragging on" me, her uncle wants to meet me, her sister is jealous that she hasn't met me, and her best friend is begging to come out with us. Life is good!
Yvonne and I may have turned a corner.
Plenty of flirt texts all week, conversations now ending with "I love you"
A night out last weekend with her 5 year old nephew Sam (and when he held my hand walking down the street she punched me and mouthed "he doesn't do that with ANYone but me" - yea! bonus points!).
Today was the start of 2 days together which I insisted on (without Sam),
and then an invite to her house for dinner with her family on Monday, her birthday.
update - she doesn't want a family birthday party and will come to my place after work Monday, we'll go out for dinner then back home (mine) for the night.
I'm apparently the buzz of her family now. She told me her Mom has been "bragging on" me, her uncle wants to meet me, her sister is jealous that she hasn't met me, and her best friend is begging to come out with us. Life is good!
Flip A Coin
I have no idea how this will pan out - mid-week she again was encouraging and when I talked to her on Friday it was a mixed bag - a football game her cousins were in on Saturday (but she wasn't inviting me) with the promise that she'd call afterwards and we would spend the rest of the evening together.
Of course she didn't call and when I rang her from my property where I have a nice little camp set up (food, drinks, music, bonfire, tent) she was suddenly "too tired" and wanted to stay home and watch a game on tv (again, she wasn't inviting me even though I was now 7 miles away). I spent the night drinking and burning things.
In the morning I texted her twice again to ask about the rest of the day but she ignored them. At 2pm she finally answered her phone and again was "tired" and "lazy" and not inviting me over. I told her that I was not going to call any more. She went to tears. I told her I can't keep groveling and begging for a date if she has no intention of spending time with me and that if she wants to see me, she can call me. click.
I texted her two hours later to repeat that I WANT to see her, I WANT to be with her, I WANT us to move forward but that she needs to reach out to me. I sent a similar message to one of our mutual friends who I hope willl lobby on my behalf and I even emailed her Mom who adores me to make sure that when Y talks about the call, she doesn't try to paint it as if I am dumping her, I want her Mom to know that her daughter needs to pull a bit of her weight in this thing IF she truly has feeling for me. Then I told Mrs S. that if Y cant bring herself to call me, then I guess I won't be seeing she or Mr S. in the future. I get that Y is the spoiled younger daughter of a 3 child marriage, so enlisting Mom my be my last option. I guees I'l know by the end of the week.
Of course she didn't call and when I rang her from my property where I have a nice little camp set up (food, drinks, music, bonfire, tent) she was suddenly "too tired" and wanted to stay home and watch a game on tv (again, she wasn't inviting me even though I was now 7 miles away). I spent the night drinking and burning things.
In the morning I texted her twice again to ask about the rest of the day but she ignored them. At 2pm she finally answered her phone and again was "tired" and "lazy" and not inviting me over. I told her that I was not going to call any more. She went to tears. I told her I can't keep groveling and begging for a date if she has no intention of spending time with me and that if she wants to see me, she can call me. click.
I texted her two hours later to repeat that I WANT to see her, I WANT to be with her, I WANT us to move forward but that she needs to reach out to me. I sent a similar message to one of our mutual friends who I hope willl lobby on my behalf and I even emailed her Mom who adores me to make sure that when Y talks about the call, she doesn't try to paint it as if I am dumping her, I want her Mom to know that her daughter needs to pull a bit of her weight in this thing IF she truly has feeling for me. Then I told Mrs S. that if Y cant bring herself to call me, then I guess I won't be seeing she or Mr S. in the future. I get that Y is the spoiled younger daughter of a 3 child marriage, so enlisting Mom my be my last option. I guees I'l know by the end of the week.
The End?
She has been harder and harder to pin down - always busy helping family, always another crisis. I plead with her to just let me know what is going on - answer the phone, reply to my texts, tell me you can't make it, but tell me, don't leave me sitting alone all day looking forward to our time together and not show up.
When were together all is right with the world - she is affectionate, flirty, and we talk about the future. But the moment we are apart it is as if our relationship doesn't exist. She tells me she doesn't think I'd want to come see her while she babysits her nephews - I tell her she is wrong, and I invite them all to the fire house for a tour. That was my date for the week. She tells me she no longers wishes to have kids, yet then turns and tells me she has to be there for her nephews, its more important than this new relationship. She tells me she will include me, then stands me up for a Saturday date explaining her nephews are in a soccer championship and she has to go - she doesn't reply to my text when I ask why wouldn't she invite me. Her dad loves me, her mom loves me, hell, even her brother ... well, respects me, LOL! Her nephews pal around with me when I'm there and still talk about the trip to the firehouse 2 weeks ago. She pleads trouble with money, with her car, with her job and though I offer to help, she says she is embarassed to ask for help - but I'm OFFERING! Nearly in tears today trying to get her to admit she doesn't want to see me, that I am wasting my time sitting here by myself hoping over and over again she will suddenly reach out to me. She is too, and says she is "afraid" of a relationship, but tells me she adores me and wants to be with me. So I beg for half the day to see her with no reply.
I know theres a song out there "how could something so right be so wrong?" and tonite I've been listening to that damned "Alone Again, Naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan. She doesn't use the computer so I can't use that as a way to reach her or I'd send her a youtube link to "Crying Over You" by Roy Orbison. 3 weeks ago I sent her the lyrics via text to "Momma He's Crazy", she texted back "and I'm crazy over him", but a lot of help that did. Tonite I wonder if flowers are in order, or do I just walk away? I was prepared to do something pretty special for her birthday in 3 weeks and have a goofy gift already bought for Halloween. I can't see enlisting her Mom, but have reached out to a mutual friend to try and get me some insight into what she's thinking, what she says she "can't" talk to me about. How can you not talk to me, I ask? You think its fair to leave me here with a broken heart from being ignored?
Its not you, she says.
BAM! There's that dreaded catchphrase that we all know means "its you".
But why the enthusiasm every time we are together? Why the huge sacrifice of losing a week of work to come see me out west? Why tell me that she likes the sound of moving into my place? Why say it when you know the guy is already hooked on you if you don't mean it?
If I'm not in the game, let me know, its only fair.
If you want me to wait, let me know, I will.
*sigh*
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