santa'TWAS 2007
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all down the pike
little traffic was stirring
this Christmas eve night
The full moon was hung
from the stars with such care
in hope that Saint Nicholas
might soon be there
The Bimmer was hummin'
barely slowing for tolls
as I raced to my stocking
probably filled with coals.
The sunroof was closed
and the temperature cold
when the banging above me
sounded like someone had bowled!
I lifted my finger
and opened the hatch with a clatter
and was bombarded by damn Rudolph's
frozen poopie matter!
Up above in the sleigh
That fat man called out
"tried to trick me this year did you?
taking a new route?"
"I looked for the red truck,
the white and the blue,
never guessed a hick trucker
would be caught in a BEE EMM DoubleYOU!"
Sorry old man,
I replied with a holler,
There's a toll comin' up,
you got a dollar?
Then leave me alone
just this once won't you please?
This year I'm pulling a double
on Christmas eve.
Got no time for no sleigh ride,
no time to give you a hand,
made the party in Pittsfield
now its back to Maryland!
Besides that Santa :
I'm more and more like you
I can't do it all night
it now takes all night to do.
I'm talkin' about drivin'
get your mind out of the gutter
I got 300 miles to go
I got no time to putter.
"OK Big B"
He shouted back in the wind
We'll give a pass just this once
So enjoy your little spin
But remember next Christmas
when back in your truck
that it was Old Saint Nick
that lent you that buck!"
He tossed down the dollar
damn Rudolph tossed something else
I'll get that cursed reindeer
and feed him to elfs!
Thanks, Santa, I replied
I'll see you next year
Enjoy the time off,
and next time, curb your reindeer!!
Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night
from the off-duty trucker
speeding into the morning light.
